THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
