420 ftw
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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