i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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