Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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