i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
