The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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