i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
