i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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