im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
