I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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