Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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