Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize