Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
