I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
