I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
