just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
