Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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