My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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