she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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