i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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