I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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