If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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