I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
