They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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