ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
