he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize