I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
