Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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