he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
