There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
