He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
