I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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