Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
