i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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