ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My ass is underappreciated
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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