I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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