Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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