I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
