I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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