I hate your face
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
