he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
