im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize