I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
