Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
