i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
