she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mom said you looked used
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
