What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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