I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
