Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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