You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
