pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
