I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
