Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
