your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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