By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
