i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
