I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
