I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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