I wish I only lived at night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
