we have pet lesbian snakes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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