He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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