you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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