want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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