yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
