At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
