yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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