I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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