Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I party with great urgency now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
